Saturday, July 16, 2005

Theories on Captain Stupid

Fun Commander and I spent some of the morning looking busy at our work stations (through the magic of GIM - Galactic Instant Messenger - , we can type away at our computers and look like we're performing maintenance checks on our turbolasers when we're actually just chatting. Take that, Captain Big Nose and Grand Moff "Jerk" Tarkin!) while discussing the Captain Stupid situation. Fun Commander has never met Captain Stupid, he's just heard my stories about the infamous annoying one. Still, the level of intrigue was there, and who doesn't enjoy a little game of intrigue?

As I have said before, any sort of conspiring that can possibly ship Captain Stupid off of the "Death Star" is worth looking into for me. Here's some of what we chatted about.

GM: So what do you think he was up to? Who would care about the width of the station's exhaust port?

FC: Did you get a look at who he was talking to on the vid screen?

GM: Yeah, I know I've seen her somewhere on the holonet before. She's either on the news a lot or in one of the shows. She looks kinda young, maybe 20 or 25. Brown hair. Lots of lipgloss. Kinda cute in an Imperial politician kind of way.

FC: Cute human girl with brown hair. Gee, that narrows it down.

GM: He did say that it was one of his childhood friends from Alderaan.

FC: Ok, so now we have a whole planet of humans. We just gotta do some research to see how many young female holonet stars are from Alderaan. No biggie.

GM: But even if we figure that out, that doesn't mean anything. We have to figure out what Captain Stupid's motives are.

FC: I bet he's one of those new tech smugglers we've been hearing about.

GM: Tech smugglers?

FC: Yeah, get information on some piece of technology and sell it off to the gangsters so they can implement it in their defenses. It's happening quite a bit lately.

GM: Do you think maybe he's a bounty hunter of some sort?

FC: Do you think he's smooth enough to be a bounty hunter?

GM: He is freakishly strong. I told you about the time I ran into him shirtless, right? That Imperial uniform hides muscles really well.

FC: If he's freakishly strong, then perhaps he could be a bounty hunter. The way he acts could just be a cover up.

GM: I don't think so. I heard him talking that way with the Alderaan woman. And when he started babbling to me, I saw her roll her eyes.

FC: The best thing we can do is somehow break into his quarters and look at his communications log. Do you think that can be done?

GM: Shouldn't be hard, especially if we rent out an astromech droid to open the door. The only thing we'd have to do is wipe its memory afterwards to cover our tracks. The trick is finding the right time to do this.

FC: We should be patient. Dig around and find out when Captain Stupid's work schedule is. Then we can figure out some way to make sure he stays busy.

So now my mission is to figure out how and when we can break into Captain Stupid's quarters. That means I have to actually talk with him, which shold be loads of fun.

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