Monday, July 25, 2005

Breaking and entering

I’ve spent the past few days making arrangements to strategically break into Captain Stupid’s quarters. Fortunately, Fun Commander has been extremely helpful with this. It was pretty easy to determine Captain Stupid’s schedule; all we had to do was put in an inquiry in the “Death Star” main computer and up it came. However, there’s always the worry that he may come back to his quarters on a quick break.

To address the problem, Fun Commander volunteered to find a time when he was off and Captain Stupid was working. Fun Commander would then go visit Captain Stupid and engage him in a long and highly unnecessary conversation about the length of the “Death Star” thermal exhaust port and the need to expand it.

The time to strike was two days ago. I conveniently “broke” a comm channel in my quarters and scheduled an astromech droid to come service it. It, of course, really meant disengaging the lock on Captain Stupid’s door. To clear the trail, I downloaded the astromech’s memory into my computer, had it open the lock, then wiped its memory before restoring the pre-break in memory and sending it on its way. No one would be the wiser.

As the astromech droid whirred away, I checked my watch. I only had one hour of guaranteed safe time before Fun Commander had to start his shift in the turbolaser department. I poked my head into Captain Stupid’s wretched den and began the journey.

When we were on the Devastator, Captain Stupid’s quarters were a complete mess. At least they were the time I went to retrieve my “Death Star” plans. So it was a bit of a shock to see the room almost spotless. All of the packing crates were still full, several decorations were on his desk, and a pile of laundry was growing in one corner. But none of the papers and random junk that cluttered his old room. Strange.

I turned on his comm panel and checked his communications log. Many of his calls, both outgoing and incoming, were to Alderaan. That’s no surprise, since that’s his home planet. A few different access numbers, some were stored into memory: mom, dad, Ranibus, Leia, and Perma. No strange calls to distant stations or other places that tech smugglers are known to stay. However, there was always the possibility of that a call may have been rerouted to disguise its location.

I opened up some of his packing crates to find piles and piles of papers – probably the ones that were scattering the floor in his Devastator room. Each crate was filled with schematic after schematic of all sorts of Imperial vehicles – TIE fighters, the new TIE interceptors, the walkers, even the probe droids. He had detailed info on star destroyer shield mechanisms, and also a lot of stuff on the different turbolaser capability of the guns right here on the station.

This stuff isn’t top secret material, but it is confidential. It all pointed to the notion that Captain Stupid was indeed trading with tech smugglers. But there was no viable proof.

The last crate I looked through had some of his personal belongings. Most of it was pretty boring – aquatic race champion medals, Imperial bodybuilding contest runner-up, some holo discs of different sporting events. At the bottom of the crate was a holo album with holos of Captain Stupid with family and friends.

And then I made one connection. I’m not sure if it was significant or not, but it at least answered one of my questions. One of the holos was Captain Stupid standing at his Academy graduation with a friend (I’m ASSUMING they’re friends, though there’s no evidence to back up anyone actually enjoying his company). The friend was the same woman who was in the vid screen communique that I eavesdropped on last week – and the same person in his communications log. I finally put the face to the name and remembered who she was.

Leia. Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan, and member of the Imperial Senate.

So Captain Stupid has both royal connections and political connections. I’m thinking that he’s too stupid to actually try to start a political career. So there are three possibilities here:

1) He’s trying to win the heart of our dear Senator. Granted, she’s pretty cute, but she seems like a real bitch during her HoloNet interviews. Very snappy, very snarky, doesn’t seem at all charismatic or polite. Maybe they belong together.

2) She is a tech smuggler and he’s been feeding her information. Though I don’t know why she would be involved with it…I mean, she’s probably part of the richest family on that whole planet. Maybe she has parental issues and this is her way of lashing out.

3) She could not be involved at all with this.

My safe time was ending, so I meticulously restored everything to its original state and made haste back to my quarters. After debriefing with Fun Commander, he is further convinced of the tech smuggler idea, but I still don’t have any hard evidence.

In any case, that’s what happened. I’m prepping for my date/meeting/ambiguously spending time together with Officer Hot Stuff. Perhaps she will have some insight on this. More later.


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